Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I've Got Nothing, but Time

Why is it when you feel like you have nothing but time, it's during the moments when you feel the weakest?  How were we going to patiently wait six weeks for Dr. Spees to tell us whether or not Mila is autistic?  If it wasn't for Michael or my amazing friends back at home, I would've had a lot more melt downs!  My dearest, Amanda, sent me several prayer books written by her mother in love, Sheri Rose Shepherd.  Those books saved my sanity and my heart.  I'm not a "churchy" girl.  I pretty insecure when it comes to talking about religion, beliefs, etc.  However, I do believe in God.  I believe in the power of prayer.  I believe in the ability to forgive.  This was a moment in my life that I needed to pray harder than I ever have before!  This was also a moment in my life that I needed to let go of self blame.  These are some of the women in my life who uplift me, support me, and love me for me.

I cried on and off for weeks awaiting this BIG eval.  Any trip to the park where a kid Mila's age or younger was running around, yelling "mama" or "dada," set off my waterfalls.  Michael had a hard time understanding why I was so upset over things I couldn't control.  I had a hard time understanding why he didn't understand.  As a new mom, you wait for those kind of moments.  The moments when your little ones say your name, run up to hug your neck, respond in conversation, etc.  It was never about control.  I just wanted to experience the sweet moments that most of the world gets to enjoy with their kids.

I'll keep this part short....after a two hour eval, Dr. Spees did not think Mila was autistic.  Even though Mila is still pretty young, her eye contact, happy spirit, and social skills were enough to rule it out.  Michael and I kindly requested basic blood work, and MRI, and genetic testing to eliminate causes.  Dr Spees was concerned with the laxity of her belly.  She thought her liver was slightly enlarged and she could palpate her spleen.  We got a belly ultrasound and her spleen was 1cm larger than it should be, but provided her blood work was normal, we would not be too concerned.  Mila's iron was low, but otherwise, her blood work was normal.  MRI negative!! Praise God!!