Monday, January 20, 2014

The Love of My Life

He's a gentle soul.

He is the kindest of kind.  

He is honest.

He has a full heart.

He is a Godly man.

He is a family man.

He is my sound mind.

He is my voice of reason.

He is my best friend.

He is my super HOT best friend :).

I could not survive without my sweet, handsome Michael.

I couldn't write about our story and not bring attention to the one person who makes everything possible.  We fell in love fast, started a family early, experienced a lot of adventure, and feel as if we have already lived a lifetime together!  Our relationship has seemed effortless since day one.  We are different as much as we are alike.  Of course we have our struggles that we work through, but we talk about EVERYTHING!  Our lines of communication never waiver.  We hold each other accountable and are able to resolve difficulties in a loving way.  Michael has never raised his voice!  In fact, I don't think he could, even if he tried.  He is literally the nicest guy you will ever meet!  He manages to find the good in everyone and everything.  I wish I could be more like him :).

We were completely surprised with our pregnancy of Mila, and despite my initial shock and fear, Michael was elated.  He hugged me tight and told me we would be ok.  Despite our fears, our little one would be loved more than anyone.

I experienced latent post-partum depression when Mila was about three months old.  I have never been so emotionally confused in my entire life!  Fear, anxiety, and thoughts of wanting to harm myself were quickly breaking me down.  I was questioning my ability to be a mom.  After a walk one night, I fell to the floor in tears.  How do I tell the man I love that I don't feel happy when I have everything wonderful I could possibly imagine?  Once again, he wrapped me in his arms and assured me we would get the help I needed no matter what it took.  He expressed his love for me.  He kept me close.  I was able to get help, and within a year I successfully weaned myself off Prozac.  My history of anxiety still resurfaces when there are new findings with Mila, but I have been able to endure through prayer and the love of family and friends.

Our move to Colorado seemed to happen overnight.  Mila was sick right away with croup and bilateral ear infections.  I was busy planning her first birthday back at home.  If it wasn't for Michaels dad and uncle, our move would have been a lot more difficult.  Our trip home came and went.  Back in Colorado, Michael was busting his butt at work, Mila was getting evals, and I had no clue what I was supposed to be doing.  I was satisfied with being able to be home Mila during her first year, but I was ready to focus on myself.  She began preschool and I searched for jobs that could accommodate Michaels schedule.  13 resumes and four applications later, I had no luck!  I even tried to pick up a travel assignment near Denver just to have a second income.  I couldn't even get ONE interview!  I was literally being denied interviews because I don't have my Bachelor's in nursing.  Are you kidding me?  I have a nursing degree with almost five years of experience, but they preferred a new grad with a Bachelor's.  Clearly, we did not know this before we moved.  I was beyond frustrated!  I wanted an outlet.  I wanted to meet people.  I wanted to contribute to our family financially.  No matter how many times Michael assured me I was doing the BEST job for our family, it never seemed like enough.  I didn't want motherhood to define who I was.  

It wasn't until a month or so after Mila began therapy that I realized I was exactly where I am supposed to be.  Watching her struggle week after week from the shear pain she felt while performing the simplest of movements, I couldn't leave her.  She needs me.  She depends on me.  I am here to encourage and teach her.  Mila's therapists give me the tools to help her progress each week.  I reached a point where a peace came over me.  We encountered some struggles for my path to shine.  God showed me in very small ways that I am meant to be home with Mila just a little bit longer.  We are so fortunate that Michael's job allows me to be with Mila everyday!  Michael has never pressured me to work.  He encourages me to do whatever makes me happy.  If I chose not to do nursing and want to pursue another passion, I have his full support.  Oh, how I love this man, and boy does he love his girls!  I don't deserve him, but how blessed we are to live life with him!